TYPES OF FRIENDS YOU SHOULD AVOID AS A CHRISTIAN

One of the greatest gifts that any human being can give to a fellow human is the ability to see themselves the way Christ sees them.

 The Bible is full of scriptures that talk about friendships more than marriages. Friendship is the fundamental ground that both parties involved must start with in hopes of maturing into something stronger as time goes by.

For any relationship to last, there are some boundaries that need to be set and respected to avoid it becoming toxic.

However, as we all know, not everyone appears toxic in the beginning.

We all, to some level, put on a fake mask to some degree to impress each other, but that can only be managed for so long before the truth unveils itself.

To spot those red flags, you first must be clear with yourself about what you want in life. In short, find the value in yourself, set standards, and be vocal about them to people.

Otherwise, it will create a pattern of always having others define you and set standards for you, standards that are not worth who you really are and what you could be as a person.

With that being said, here are some of the major types of people that you should avoid:

1. The Sexual Friend: Now, I’m a firm believer that platonic relationships between men and women can exist and be fruitful too if the right boundaries are set.

However, not everyone will understand and want to respect those boundaries, even after expressing them sometimes multiple times.

 I once had a “friend” who thought it was alright to ask for pictures of my private parts and touch me in a sexual way, and still had the audacity to call me their “good friend.”

Ladies and gentlemen, hear me out! Friends-with-benefits-type friendships are not biblical as a Christian; they only draw you away from your purpose, cause confusion in your life, and lead to unnecessary heartbreaks that could have been avoided.

Vocalize your worth to the opposite sex: “You’re either going to be my friend or my boyfriend or girlfriend in hopes of becoming my husband or wife if God wills it.” There can be nothing in between.

2. The Narcissistic Friend: These are the types of people who feel it’s all about them in life, their feelings, their struggles.

It’s about them and no one else. They only come to you when they need help. These are what I call the takers and never givers in a friendship or relationship.

 These people will drain you after every interaction; it’s never about helping each other grow but rather how they can benefit from being in your life.

 Such people will suck the value out of you and, to some extent, make you doubt yourself because they are never there when you need them.

 Stay away from such individuals or cut them off if you can relate to this in some way.

3. Friends Who Are Full of Conflict and Drama: These are the types of people who are always in conflict with others. Now, one of the fruits of the Holy Spirit is peace.

 If the person in your life does not bring peace in any shape or form, then what’s the point of having them?

 These are the people who always have the latest gossip about others and always want someone around to talk about what’s going wrong in everyone’s life.

Friendships are supposed to help you grow and be wiser.

Now, what good is it if all you do is talk about other people instead of focusing on building yourselves up and giving each other constructive criticism?

 If you have such people in your life, it’s time to let them go and focus on bettering yourself.

4. The Two-Faced Friend: Now, this one is very personal to me because I once had a friend who became so close that sometimes I thought we were like sisters.

 She chose to befriend someone whom we both agreed wasn’t good for our lives and ignored all the toxic traits this person had.

Over time, she would gossip about this person to me but then post her on social media and call her “my family.”

 Eventually, she started to nurture that friendship and left me on the back burner.

Long story short, that friendship ended as expected. She came to ask for forgiveness, and I did forgive her.

 We started to rebuild our friendship until I realized that I was not at peace with that decision.

I could not trust her or feel the same emotions I once had for that friendship, so I decided it was better for me to let her go rather than keep her around and pretend I was happy with that decision. I still have love for her, but now I just have to learn to love her from a distance.

5. Friends Who Are Always Negative About Everything: The best and most fulfilling friendships are those you can run to when you’re down, and they will find a way to lift you up and help you see the good in yourself.

 Now, what good is it if the person you always want to run to just points out everything that’s wrong with you without helping you find a solution to your problems?

These are the types of people who will tell you why certain things will never work out for you or what’s wrong with everything in life; it’s like they don’t have a positive bone in them.

If all you ever feel is demotivated and stressed after talking to such people, please cut them off.

6. The Distant Type of Friends: Now, don’t get me wrong, giving each other space is very healthy in any form of relationship because it helps you build on yourself.

However, it shouldn’t be to the point where you have to search for each other on the face of the planet.

 We don’t have to beg each other for friendships. Any relationship is supposed to be about meeting each other in Love and reciprocation ; it’s really unhealthy for it to be one-sided.

One person in the friendship can’t be the only one reaching out and always making the effort.

And when you do reach out and try to grow the friendship, they are always cold or busy with something else. As the saying goes, we nurture what we value in life.

If you have this type of person in your life, ask yourself this: “Is it worth it?” All of this effort and often being shut down?

 And of course, I know that your answer is NO! Hopefully, the next step is to go where you’re celebrated and not tolerated. We are not worth it all, so please… move on!

ASK YOURSELF THESE QUESTIONS BEFORE ENTERING INTO ANY FORM OF RELATIONSHIP

Before agreeing to any sort of commitment, particularly friendship, there are some things I ask myself, and hopefully, they can help you as well:

1. What’s the purpose of this relationship? This will help you understand how you will be or how they will be of service to your life, what sort of lessons you will teach each other, and how you will help each other mature in certain areas of your life. If you can’t find answers to these questions, then there is no need to invest your time in building this friendship.
2. How much do I have to give to this relationship? As mentioned, relationships are not one-way. If this friendship will rob you of your mental health or energy, don’t give it time. It can’t be one person putting in the effort; it’s not worth the risk.
3. Am I going to be valued in this relationship? Everyone has a desire to feel appreciated and acknowledged in any type of relationship they are in. It wouldn’t be fair for someone to go above and beyond only to be ignored and treated like the services you offered were “supposed” to be done. Value yourself enough to know that you deserve better.
4. Are my sacrifices and services going to be reciprocated? This is simple: will they do for you as Christ commanded us to do for your neighbor what you do for them if the tables were turned? If not, why are you still wasting your time thinking about them?

My last words are that maybe you are the person who treats others poorly, Lord knows I have identified as some of those people in the past. It’s important to remember to treat others as you would want them to treat you.

It’s really unfair to be a toxic person in people’s lives. Allow yourself to heal first from old wounds before seeking friendship.

 Just like anything else in life, being a good friend to others takes hard work, but it starts with self-love first.

You can only love others as much as you love yourself, and you can only pour into others the emotions that you store in your heart.