I wish you could have truly known me. To look into my eyes, embrace me with love, and say you’re proud of who I’ve become. But I understand that reality didn’t unfold that way, and perhaps it never will. The absence of your presence leaves an emptiness within me, a void that’s hard to fill. There were countless lessons I wanted to learn from you, conversations we could have shared. Time marches on, yet the unanswered question lingers: Why? Why couldn’t you be the father I yearned for? Why didn’t you stand by to guide and comprehend my journey? It’s a puzzle with answers perhaps known only to the divine God I serve. Despite everything, I genuinely wish you the best in your endeavors.
If you find resonance in the words above, I imagine you’re like many who wrestle with the complexities of forgiving fathers.
Before go on any further allow me to explain what daddy issues are; these are negative behaviors/ patterns in one’s life that form as a result of either having an absent father or a poor relationship with a father
This is a topic imbued with sensitivity, and I’ll approach it with the utmost compassion. Daddy issues, although universal, strike at the core, often leaving us feeling isolated in our struggles.
It’s because no two fathers are alike, and no one can fully comprehend what it’s like to have “your” father abandon you when you needed them most.
It’s an act that those who’ve experienced it can only truly grasp.
Growing up without a father can breed a range of detrimental effects on a child, anxiety, depression, substance dependency, a ceaseless quest for validation, the list goes on.
This journey can persist throughout life if left unaddressed, suppressed beneath the surface.
The initial step towards healing involves forgiving your father, and even more crucially, forgiving yourself for enduring the pain you’ve carried.
Children often regard their parents, especially their fathers, as superheroes.
Yet, it’s vital to recognize their inherent humanity, their struggles, their quests for understanding life, much like our own.
While we may feel they might not have loved us as they should have, they loved us to the best of their capacity and that sometimes is really had to accept and understand .
Though I’d never endorse parental abandonment, I can comprehend the circumstances that lead someone to step away when they believe they can’t offer their child the life they deserve.
This isn’t an excuse, but rather a glimpse into their flawed human perspective.
Remember that these fathers were once children themselves, shaped by imperfect upbringing that hindered their potential to become the best versions of themselves for their children.
The only true perfection resides God, As Psalms 68:5 (NIV) states, “A father to the fatherless, a defender of widows, is God in His holy dwelling.”
Surrendering this weight to God could be the most transformative act. Because, before our earthly fathers, there was God, and just as He conveyed to Jeremiah (Jeremiah 1:5, NIV), “Before I formed you in the womb, I knew you, before you were born, I set you apart…”
We too share in the essence of Jeremiah’s experience, crafted by God with similar needs and aspirations.
Though earthly fathers may leave voids, God is capable of mending us, making us whole.
It’s important to grasp that while our earthly fathers were instrumental in bringing us into this world, we ultimately belong to God.
Therefore, if resentment persists toward your earthly father, it’s valid, but also remember that you’re here to fulfill a purpose set forth by God and not your earthly father.
Detaching from the anguish caused by your earthly father necessitates embracing God’s guidance, love, and the fervor of forgiveness.
To anyone grappling with these emotions, here are uplifting truths to aid your journey:
YOU ARE ENOUGH: The trauma of fatherly abandonment can plant the inaccurate belief that you’re inadequate.
This can seep into daily interactions, fostering a never-ending craving for approval.
The void left by an absent father might compel you to seek affirmation from external sources, going to great lengths to win acceptance.
However, your fundamental worth isn’t determined by your father’s love, or lack thereof.
You possess the inherent value required to thrive in relationships; you don’t need to contort yourself to fit someone else’s Mold. Their failure to see your worth doesn’t dictate your essence.
And just because your earthly father didn’t feel it doesn’t mean you are to see yourself any less
You by yourself and all that God has put inside you is all you need to function in relationships and you don’t need to change yourself to fit into other people’s standards.
And again, because your father didn’t see your value doesn’t mean other people won’t .
YOU CAN OVERCOME THIS: The ache, the abandonment’s sting, the unanswered questions, they’re conquerable.
While releasing the past might seem daunting, understand that you can’t alter what’s already transpired. Lingering in what-ifs only stifles progress.
Accepting the past as it is grants you the power to shape your future. Blaming others perpetually entraps you in a state of stagnation.
It’s unjust to yourself and impedes the potential for love and healing from those who genuinely care.
YOU ARE NOT A MISTAKE: When your father chose absence, you might have questioned your very existence.
Yet, Ephesians 2:10 (NIV) affirms, “For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.”
You’re here for a purpose to make a positive impact. The void, the absence created seeks to diminish your worth, but this isn’t your truth.
The devil may use this pain to isolate and undermine you, but recognizing your uniqueness and worthiness is pivotal to embracing the light and love within you.
YOU DESERVE GENUINE LOVE: One man’s abandonment should not define your perception of all others.
Don’t project your father’s actions onto every relationship or encounter, expecting disappointment. While many might hurt you, they can’t replicate the love that should’ve come from your father.
Remember, true love begins with self-acceptance. Surrendering your pain to God allows His healing love to transform your perspective, instilling confidence that surpasses the limitations of your past.
They are many people that will want to see you do your best and live your best life but they can only push you as far as they can
As you begin your life long journey of acceptance, reflection and healing and great desire to now surrender this burden to God, keep in account that this won’t be an easy journey, some days will be harder than others, but the process to your freedom will make you stronger and see yourself in a new light that you should have seen yourself in long time ago
And I will end with this, to the person wrestling with daddy issues, I offer these words: Your pain is valid, your journey unique.
Yet, by leaning into God’s unwavering love and guidance, you can overcome the void, heal from the trauma, and emerge stronger
Remember, your earthly father is but one chapter; your life’s story unfolds under God’s divine narrative. You are valued, capable, and deserving of boundless love.
With heartfelt understanding, Annie, Chikonjiwe