“Lord, allow me to never feel again, I’m unworthy to carry this gift of love that you designed for the human race”.
“But as broken as I feel right now”
“I know your touch alone can make my spirit revive and want to project on others what you have so long projected on me even without me opening my heart to it sometimes”
” And as hopeless as things feel right now, I know there’s hope, and you are the hope”.
At this point it will feel very rhetorical to ask how many have gone through heartbreak and disappointment.
As I am currently staring outside the cold window so warm and so at peace thinking of how far the Lord has brought me out of the life that I thought was best for me.
Reflecting on those words I would say to God at the lowest point of my life as I went through the biggest heart break that I would say impacted my life and made me realize a lot
Yet the bible says in Proverbs 14 v12 “There is a way that appears to be right, but in the end it leads to death”.
But I still couldn’t hold back the “why me Lord” as it felt like my heart was wounded and couldn’t help think of how much of my time and investments had gone into the relationship.
And then it suddenly hit me, maybe that was it, it was all about them and not about me. So blindly immersed in the butterflies that come with all this.
So focused in the fantasy of a perfect future and to be honest so afraid to be by myself that I did everything to save it.
And then the worst things happened I couldn’t save the relationship. I was all by myself drowning in my tears, hopeless and alone.
It’s funny how when you reach the end of yourself you tap into God’s beginning, and ladies and gentlemen, that was it … the rebirth of my self-love moment.
And how did it all happen?
In my most broken voice laying on my pillow with tears streaming down my face I whispered “Lord where are you”
And immediately I was embraced with a comfort sensation in my spirit, one that I wouldn’t even do justice describing because it is better off experiencing.
A plethora of revelation began to pour into my spirit and made me realize exactly where I was going wrong. We usually tend to blame the other person during the end of a relationship.
It is always the “it didn’t work because they did so and so”
But we had a part to play in all of this. Sometimes we are to blame because we allowed certain things to happen by simply not saying no and being too afraid to move on even after realizing that it’s not going to work.
So here is what I learnt from my previous relationships that I will not carry moving forward and I have allowed God to heal me from:
NOT LOVING MY SELF FIRST– we all want to feel loved, but giving love must never be at the expense of neglecting ourselves, lesson learnt!! In the book of John Jesus said this to us;
"My command is this: love each other as I have loved you" John 15v12
A very profound revelation “as I have loved you” which means in order to love others, we need to know what it feels like to be loved in the purest form, which is only by God.
You can’t pour from an empty cup. For long that’s what I did, I tried to use my own efforts and ways to show love and forgot to ask the maker of love to show me how to do it.
FORGETTING TO SET BOUNDARIES– “when you love someone you will do anything to keep them happy” I guess I took that statement literally lol. I found myself getting in awkward situations in the name of love.
One thing that I am learning to acknowledge is that we all need to have personal boundaries in life. And if we meet the right person, they will respect those boundaries just as we are to respect theirs.
Not because of fear, but because of the respect that we have for God which in turn makes us respect others.
I was very afraid to set boundaries for people to respect because I was afraid to be seen as difficult to love.
It was always about what made them happy which in turn left me broken and feeling unloved.
It may be these certain boundaries that you set that may show you who people really are
From as simple as “I don’t want to be outside at a certain time” or “my preferred forms of affection are…. And anything after that is crossing the line”
And I must say it is important for you to mention them in the beginning to avoid wasting someone’s time or better yet, avoid them wasting your time if they feel they can’t respect them.
NOT KNOWING MY VALUE– the best place to know your worth is through reading the bible.
As much as the world wants to define us and tell us who they think we ought to be, nothing beats the comforting words that God has spoken over us.
There is an unbeatable confidence that comes with affirming yourself with scripture.
Knowing who you are and your value in the relationship is really peaceful. Because most times, if we don’t really know how much valuable we are, we let other people define us.
How disappointing it is to now look back and think that I carried myself based on what people thought of me and never took the time to affirm myself.
The danger with that also comes with that fact is unlike God, human beings change their minds based on how they feel at a particular time so
Only knowing how to be valued by a human being is dangerous because what if they only see you as a waste of time… then what?
That means you will go the rest of your life devaluing yourself and seeing yourself as that.
NOT KNOWING MY PURPOSE– our God is Jireh, which means he provides us with everything we need to live a satisfied life on this earth and one of them is our calling
I will urge you to first find your purpose/ calling before you begin dating.
The first thing that God placed on Adam’s life was purpose and later on provided a helper to accomplish is purpose
So, it is important to date someone who has already found and walking in their full calling.
Ladies, this will make it easier for you because by knowing your purpose it saves you so much time searching for Mr. Right.
Because then God gives you power to pick and know if his calling aligns with your calling and if you will be his perfect suiter to help fulfil the assignment that God gave him without putting yours on the backburner.
I think that was also the mistake I made, dating for right now and how I felt in the moment, without thinking of how the relationship was going to be fruitful for me in the future.
Without actually asking God if their life purpose actually aligned with mine. But thank God for the quick reawakening.
With all this to express, please remember that dating out of God’s will only bring about trauma and destruction in our lives.
The important thing is to trust and believe that if God has given you the desire for marriage, he will fulfil his promise.
Just wait on him, he knows the right time and right moment when all this is supposed to happen, and while you wait ; just pray and continue to do the last thing God told you to do.
Just trust and believe that He is faithful and He’s no man that he shall lie.
And for guidelines on a Godly man that need to allow to be pursue you, check out my blog post 8 SIGNS HIS YOUR KINGDOM SPOUSE